Whata Wasteland

don't ask me what happened between us..

cause if you knew him, and if you knew me
you already know the answer.

you can change someone, it's pretty simple
I'll use him and myself as an example
if you knew him before...
He was lost, dazed but mostly confused.
I stepped in and I really changed things up
the truth is..
I thought I could open his eyes enough to REALLY see what he was capable of doing with himself.
I wanted to show him how much of a good person he really is, and how much he really deserves out of this life.
I never realized how much it took out of me.
I gave up friendships, and gave up on so many people who have been there for me since day one
I paused my life to open your eyes
because honestly you were all I wanted.
I could see myself in you, I could see us forever.
It's gotten to the point where I don't feel.
I can't feel any emotion, or any hurt.
Seeing you cry now, doesn't hurt one bit.
You need me Nathan; everysecond.
That isn't what I wanted for you, nor was it what I wanted for myself.

I want you to WANT to do good in life
I want you to WANT to care about emotions and feelings others have.
I want you to be honest, and actually feel the pressure it lifts off.
I want you to feel truth and purity.
I can easily say bye, and not show a damn thing
but you know it all hurt's me more...
...we all know it hurt's me more.

so many chances
but nothing ever changes
nothing
slowly but surely it's just eating me from outside in.
when you swear to keep a promise, it's a test
I knew you'd break them when you came back here
but it gives me a reason to show you, to make you feel
I've seen your tears countless times
you'll plead;
you'll say you'll do anything
but really, what does that prove?
cause it's allllll bullshit.
I've written something like this before, this is like deja vu..
I didn't know nearly as much about you then, as I do now
I shoulda known better.
I really do know you so well
and you know I've uncovered every secret and lie.
But you also know I really love you.
as time has passed, I've realized a lot:
"we can work through this, it's just a bump"
No Nathan, I Can Work Through This... If I Didn't Have you
...I'd be okay then.
MY FAULTS;
Without me, you'll just give up
That scares me more than anything.
I DON'T want you to be who you were. Your past should STAY your past. 11:11- Don't be gone.
so hear me out.
it's time we both realize who we are, it's time for you to realize what your capable of and how close it is.
it's right there baby... so reach for it.
thats my gift to you.

I'm a hypocrite

I want so much to open your eyes.
I want you to tell me you understand all I've said
I want you to open your eyes to the past few years
just tell me you understand everything I've done.

You still play these games
I'm over it.
for the last time; I'm here
but I'm moving on now.
goodbye
I screwed up. your right about that
you say "your a hypocrite"
and I may be about these things you say... I may be.
but I know what I'm doing whether you understand my intensions or not.
I know where I belong in this world

you don't understand some things about me
but I'm willing to share everything with you
I'm willing to share my secrets, thoughts; my life.
I've been thrown around
I've been let down
I know what this life is capable of
and soon enough I wont have you in my thoughts
soon enough I will be long gone, and I'll just be a memory.
you say you love;
but you don't know what that means
you don't know how to play these games. at all.
you think your slick.
you think you do this so well
but you don't
I've written every book you've read
I've invented every word you've said
leave, cause you really are a stupid idiot.

I've said these words over and over
and my friends know you so well
she'll tell me to move on.
and she'll say your just using me; you ARE taking advantage of every second you spend with me. every three words you speak. your such a liar.
and you always will be.

I give up.

L I F E.
it's a fuckin mess right now.
since that one day. I've givin up on this life
I'm hopeless
you all knew that already though
because without this shit we play
what is my life meant for?
what am i doing here?
because this town only reminds me of one thing
 Y O U
and I want nothing more than to forget you
please. oh gawd please
just leave me. say goodbye
cut all ties


I'm going through this life alone
cause i dont need any of you
I never will need any of you
I wont.
and you all know that
because i'm better off alone
you say these things like they mean something to me.
you tell me these things like i really listen.
but i dont.
I'm off in the world of straws and lines.
I belong in that big city.
without you
so i can drown. i just want to drown.
cause im the fish that escapes.


get me away from here.
i'm going insane