hi.
I want to apologize.
to my friends mostly.
where have I been?
I've spent my first few months of 08'...
well, I've been invisible.
he said:
"all of your friends except krystal are bad influences"
he said I was better off just spending every moment with him.
I've realized..
before him, I was on my feet..
before him yes, I had fun. In my own little ways... I walked on clouds. But, no matter what, I stayed afloat.
One month with him:
I managed to crumble.
I managed to not only walk on clouds non stop, but to actually float in space.
I managed to go agaisnt every moral I had, not just for people around me but for myself.
I drowned.
My friends. My BEST FRIENDS; would do anything...
They would have helped if I had given them the chance to.
Friends can only tell when something's wrong if they see your face for more than 10minutes.
I broke.
fuuhuck.
I look at the things I would do just to occupy myself.
way too much guitar hero goin on in my room at 4:00am
wayyy too much shit all over my floor.
my window became an international gateway for people. only a hand can fit through my screen though...
His mattress held a lot of secrets. Still does.
Psh. We NEVER went mobbing on those dirt roads, but you could find us on them everyday.
BEFORE, those people would never be caught seeing my face. Now, they all know my name, where I live, and where I've been.
How blind can one person actually be.
oh am I blind.
I can hear and smell everything he does, but I can't see it. I bet if I really focused hard enough... a whole new dimension would come into focus.
It got to the point where it was no longer his fault.
it was mine.
I let him.
but life has it's new chapters.
I still wear the ring, but only because it matches my favorite necklace. or at least, that's what I tell myself.
he's dead to me? hah, you all know thats a lie.
but I'm senseless. and I'm trying to come back to life.
I'll try hard this time. I promise
I'm sorry, to all that I have let down.
Cause none of you are stupid.
I'll prove to all of you I can become who I once was.
strong & independant. never the less, she'll be back.
amelia.bitch. haha
I miss this feeling. willingness
you don't always have to feel so strong.
It's okay to feel scared about the future.
That's L I F E.
<3
"you must love yourself before you can begin to love me"
